by Sabrina Telles

Anyway, I need a new way

There's a strong feeling when I tell myself "I have to write things down". Feels like my throat simply closes and I get hungry for something I don't even know what it is - and I love myself more. Clearly it's bigger than my body, because I can barely handle it. And here I am again: the same vulnerability, the same why-and-what-for questions, the same still-haven't-found-what-I'm-looking-for trials. Maybe these are the best thing about life: the unswerable concerns. Maybe, just maybe...

Somehow I'm seeing through new glasses (or trying to believe in that). Like I said before, my feet in others solid grounds are helping.

(The intensity of you in me doesn't remain the same, been taking thoughts and words - like these -, almost unsustainable. Is it Love? Don't know anymore. Time and distance haven't been enough to explain. Doesn't matter anymore.)

These days I'm fighting completely disarmed, without escape valves - like never before. Honestly, I'm a little scared. I have to deal directly with biggest and deepest things now. I have to dare myself, to encourage myself. (I'm sounding like a self-help book, I know, I know... but I can't run away from the right now truth. At least, not here.) The necessity of reaching unknowing levels wants to know why I don't let it scream, why it's takin so long. I think it's because I don't know why. Just really need to figure me all out one more time.

So it's decided: Although it's hard to materialize lifetime desires, to bring life to projects, I'm not giving a break, I can't wait for me any longer. The most obvious and inescapable logic of today. Here I am, here I go again.